| Current mood: |  energetic |
| Current music: | Evanescence - The Only One |
Date!
So, I broke my rule to not date at all until at least one quarter of the time I was in my last relationship has passed since the breakup. I learned some critical, really important things.
1) Dating is FUN. I had a really good time.
2) I am not going to turn into one of those bitter women. I feel less burdened now, when for the past month I've been absolutely crippled by doubt, crushing heartbreak, and bitter rage. It's good to feel a bit freer of that.
3) There are other fish in the sea. Corny, but true. My mother says this to me every time I have a hard breakup and I hate it, but she's right. Sometimes the fish are puny and you throw them back, sometimes you take them off the hook and say 'hot damn!' Apparently there are more fish in my sea than I thought.
4) My spirituality is important to me, but I kept it fairly private in my last relationship. He wasn't militant pagan, but he's fairly militant anti-monotheistic. It's subtle, but it's there. I'd been feeling that lack in my life for a while. I do believe in a God. It's not the Christian god, per se, but I believe all religions have a thread of truth in them, something someone wise once referred to as Truth with a capital "T." I believe the very nature of a divinity so complex and powerful that he could be called an omniscient consciousness means that no mere mortal, ever, is going to be able to put a label on that existence and call it close to correct. God might even be fused with reality itself, more than a consciousness. That puts me close to Deism, I think. I believe that we're blessed to be alive, that we live on a planet with whispers of the Divine in it, and it's nice to come back to that. I also don't think that it should be necessary to take halucinogens and dance in front of a fire all night to get close to religion.
5) My main complaint with my past relationship, and one that I've only realized after the fact, is that he wasn't nearly my intellectual match. He read a great deal, but his scope of reading was fairly small. His bookshelf covered a very narrow range of topics, and his poor memory made discussing any books that we'd both read absolutely impossible -- my retention for the written word is insanely high, and I LOVE discussion about themes and issues I discover in books. His retention for the written word was almost nil. I want somebody who can read Jacqueline Carey and want to hash it out with me one week, then the next week we could read Titus Andronicus or Catch 22 together and talk about it for hours. I want somebody to take me to Shakespeare in the Park and rip the actor's performances to pieces after we're done, or rave about how good it was for hours over coffee .
6) I had forgotten how important thought-provoking film is to me. I wanted to go into a career in film for a long time, and studying 3D in school imparted an appreciation for the film-making process that is a part of me. Last night's date and I went and saw Pan's Labyrinth together and I had the best time ever. I have no doubt we'll be mulling it over and talking about it again on our next date. My mind needs to be frequently challened, and I get bored with life without being intellectually stimulated.
7) Sex.....especially sex with somebody who's visibly hungry for me every minute we're going at it, is immensely satisfying. Getting some hella nice compliments about my body doesn't hurt either.
8) There are people out there who want monogamy and are compatible with me. And aren't unbalanced. That's good news too.
I'm on the road to recovery, and it feels good. I'm far from over my last relationship - it'll be months before that happens, and as much of a power trip as I've been on, I still hurt like hell. But now I can see some light. Maybe not with this particular date, but there IS somebody out there for me. And it won't be as hard for me to find it as I was afraid it was going to be.
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alliemaddyn) wrote,
