Brain Explosion

Learning Lindy

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 18:01:59 GMT

So, I’m going to jump a little out of order here, because I don’t yet have pictures from All Bal weekend. All you lovely folks that I met at AllBal, send me thy pictures!

So, I went to All Balboa Weekend on June 14-17, and it ROCKED. However, I’m going to save the full write-up until I have visuals to go with it, so bear with me.

Last weekend was the Beginner Lindy workshop in Louisville sponsored by Lindy Lou. I had some lindy experience (at least in being shoved around the floor by a much-more-advanced lead who severely lacked patience, but that’s another story) but had never taken any lindy classes. So, after being alerted to the workshop by Thor, a dancer from Louisville’s scene, at AllBal, I decided it sounded like a good idea to spend three weekends in a row out of town at dance events. Man, I’m exhausted.

Don’t get me wrong, LindyLou’s workshop was a great experience. Not quite as ‘omigodAWESOME’ as AllBal, but it was one day long, and much smaller. I think I’m just burnt out on orgasmic-ly cool dance weekends for awhile. Irish Fest all by itself would have been nigh impossible to top, but AllBal managed it. After all that, I think the level of enthusiasm I can summon is slowly winding down.

Emily and Patrick were our instructors for the lindy workshop.

Patrick wore really bright socks.

And Emily changed clothes a lot.

There was practicing……

And hair flying……

And after that we all got to dress up and dance the night away.

See what I mean about Emily changing clothes alot?

Here I am enjoying myself:

Check out those awesome shoes I bought at AllBal.

Life returns to it's regularly scheduled Abby for awhile. At least as normal as I get lately. I've totally become a social butterfly, I've met so many awesome new people, and I'm loving it. The vertically-challenged gentleman in the photo above is Chuck, who's a remarkably good lead, and has promised to invite me to the next blues dance in Louisville, which I'm looking forward to. I took Chihian, a Lexington area dancer, to last Wednesday's open mic blues night at Lynagh's, but it was jam-packed and we stayed for a few hours but didn't get to dance much.

Two weddings in the next two weeks. Fortunately, I get this coming weekend at home, but after that I'm flying to Virginia Beach for a family wedding.

Louisville Irish Fest

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 17:27:57 GMT

Ok, so it’s time to do a write up of my fabulous weekend last weekend. June 9th-10^th was the Louisville Irish Fest. I had been traveling up to Louisville as the Lexington area liaison to their Board of Directors, but with Dad’s surgery my months of April and May were pretty much shot, and the Irish Fest pretty much went to the wayside. Fortunately, they were incredibly understanding, and I ended up pitching in as a volunteer for the children’s area.

This is a picture-heavy post, so be warned!

I taught Irish dance classes to wee ones ….

And their families….

I painted faces…..

and made friends with Tanya and Amanda. Amanda chairs the Children’s Area, and Tanya is from Atlanta, so we had a nice time chatting about the environs in and around where she lives. She very nicely offered to let me stay with her any time I passed through town.

I danced…..

A lot!

That may be the best dancing picture of me, ever. I had no idea I could still throw that high! I was tickled pink that one of the audience members took this picture and then emailed it to me.

The band in those two photos, by the way, is Louisville-area Irish band Cloigeann. I stalk them – they are my favorite regional Irish band. So much fun, and their tempo is perfect. They know me by name, and they’ve gotten used to me dancing. In fact, I was sitting in the back row, somewhat hiding from their view, and Cathy (the whistle player) saw me and exclaimed, “Abby! Come and dance!”

So, the band moved their monitor closer in, and the front row of chairs got moved back, and I danced myself out. There were two stages at the fest – the stage in the pics is the smaller one. I also danced in front of the main stage, where there was actually a small platform stage for the dancers down in front. I came home with t-shirts and several autographed CDs, but the real highlight of both evenings was Siochan. Specifically, their absolutely HAWT fiddle player and vocalist, Nathan:

I danced for the band on Saturday, and after I was the first one up, it seemed to cure the audience of their shyness – everybody danced! Especially some darling little kids.

Before Siochan got on stage on Sunday, they were hanging out in the wings of the stage waiting to set up for their show, and several members of the band (including Nathan, yum!) recognized me for my dancing on Saturday. Of course I agreed to dance more, and had an even better time on Sunday. They were very appreciative of the dancing, and I had more time on stage to myself. I posed for the picture afterwards.

Of course, on Monday I was so stiff I could hardly walk, but it was SO worth it.

More dancing to come this weekend! I’m taking Friday off and heading up to a three day weekend in Akron, OH for the All Balboa swing dance workshop. It’ll be classes all day for all three days, plus live swing bands to dance to at night. I’m leaving this afternoon and stopping in Columbus for the night, and I’m super excited. Busy as a bee, that’s Abby!

She lives!

Tue, 15 May 2007 15:22:13 GMT

Edit: Oops! When I copy-pasted, I lost a paragraph. Here's the full version.

A while ago, I posted a link to this article and threw the floor open for discussion. WOW, did I get a lot of responses. I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to respond more quickly, but I’ve been pretty burnt out by life lately.

First of all, I do agree with both clayse and an_aikidoka: It is a very unfortunate by-product of the radical feminist movement that too many feminists who feel they’ve been ‘abused’ simply use their newfound power just to turn around and stomp on men in return. This is hypocritical in the worst way; men are, in many cases, just as misused and unfortunate as women. They do get abused, and they are more likely to successfully commit suicide. This is a situation that is desperately wrong and we as a whole society should be trying harder to rectify it.

It’s easy to get swallowed up by resentment and revenge when we perceive that we’re hammered down by someone more powerful than us. I know, I struggle with resentment a great deal myself. That’s the problem with revenge, though: it’s too simple.

Too many people get caught up in feeling like a victim. It’s a way of abrogating responsibility for pulling yourself up out of the shithole someone else put you in. Our society is formed in such a way that there is always someone putting down someone else. The problem is that too many people don’t realize, or refuse to acknowledge, that only they can be responsible for bringing themselves up. Too often, we simply turn our energies towards passing on the injustices of society to someone else we perceive as ‘deserving it.’ Imagine what we could do if instead we devoted those energies to bringing other people along with us as we claw our way back up?

Families, and societies, need diversity to truly thrive. Male, female, transsexual, black, asian, white, all these differences can be things that divide us as a culture and as a species, or they can be gifts that make our world richer. I, for one, would rather die than live in a homogenous world; it would be too damn boring to live in.

Overcoming these gaps takes change, and people are terrified of changing. Rather than take responsibility for becoming better, too often we are caught in the trap of repeating the same mistakes rather than face the terrifying unknown. Sometimes what keeps us from facing change is the fear of having to admit that we’ve been wrong in the past. But that’s too easy.

The next step that we have to take as a society, and as a species, is take responsibility for bringing everyone up with us as we rise, instead of using others as a stepping stone on which we grind our boot heels as we pass. I’ll leave you with a quote from the article that inspired all this, which is why I liked it in the first place:

"We need to step out of the paradigm that has been set for us by the powerful few and which only serves to diminish any chance we may have of rectifying the terrible inequities that exist within our society. […] If we ever manage to do this, we will have achieved something earth-shattering, something bigger than men or women alone, something worthy of humanity."

www.Unity08.com

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 23:54:18 GMT

Bigger update coming later tonight, I promise!

It's about time!

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 14:29:58 GMT

Hear ye, hear ye!

Go read this: link.

Then come back here and post your thoughts. It's about time, I say.

Playing catch up!

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 22:23:48 GMT

So, now I've been home for a week and haven't blogged about the rest of the trip. Two more day dives and one night dive happened before we left Cozumel.

Santa Rosa was probably my favorite spot. Another wall dive, like Palancar Breach, but the drop-off is right up against the wall, so you're floating at between 70 and 80 feet in depth, with the swift current pushing you down the length of the wall, and below your feet is a drop-off going down to the blue infinity. The coral was again spectacular here - overhangs like those we swum through at Palancar Breach, and the current was so swift we let it push us, and just relaxed and sight-saw the whole time. Huge fush lurked in little crevices, it was amazing. Like the Discovery Channel, but BETTER.

We went to Paraiso again for our last day dive, but explored around more, so it was still fun. It's shallower, so we stayed down alot longer. More moray eels here, and supposedly seahorses, though we didn't see any. They're shy.

The absolute best part, though, was the night dive. It wasn't scary at all -- the water is more deep blue and so clear that the flashlights we had carried a long ways -- it faded off into blue rather than inky, claustrophobic black. All the cool creatures come out at night - we saw lots of small skates, lots of large rock crabs, a lobster that was longer than my forearm. We saw a sea snake, a golden spotted moral eel all the way out of its nest, a really neat cuttlefish that changed color, and a huge kind of sea cucumber that looked like a giant caterpiller.

The real highlight of the night dive, though, was the octopus. I would have swum right past it without seeing it if our guide hadn't found it first. It was sitting on a small outcropping of coral with its legs tucked around it, and it changed color so that it just looked like another lumpy rock. Our divemaster, Luis, picked it up and actually put it on his face!

I was amazed at his cajones, let me tell you. He let each of us hold it, and I held it in my hand with my arm stretched as far away from my body as possible. It really does suck onto you.....feels like hundreds of mini-suction cups on your skin. When Luis pulled it away from me to give it to someone else, it hung on to me and its legs stretched like rubber so far that it was almost grotesque...right when I was sure that it was going to snap in two, it let go of me.

One thing I just remembered -- our encounter with the kamikaze jet ski driver. A family of a father and two kids was zipping around, and the child was driving. I could see our paths crossing long before it happened, and the jet ski didn't turn. Our captain started shouting something at them, but sure enough they crashed right into us at top speed. Made quite a jolt for us, but luckily they weren't hurt. Still, though, one of those 'stupid tourist' things you can't really believe until it happens to you.

We took Luis out to eat with the family of the father and son we shared the night dive with - long-time diver and his son Matt, and his wife and daughter who don't dive. We went to a chinese buffet that had sushi, but unfortunately it was expensive, and horrible. Jody and I took Luis out to drink and dance for a little while afterwards, because I liked Luis and I think Jody felt sorry for him. He's a lonely guy - once divorced, and his girlfriend of four years recently broke up with him for another guy. Clearly still in the getting over it phase. He kept insisting that Jody buy 'his senorita' flowers, so that I wouldn't get stolen away from him. I don't know if that was part of the Mexican romantic/feeler culture or just his own regrets about his last relationship. But Luis was sweet, bought me a rose, and danced a little bit with me without being predatory. It was rather fun to be flirted with, and I genuinely liked him. If you're a single girl in Cozumel looking for a flirtation and a reputable dive shop, dive at the Black Shark Dive Shop, and ask for Luis. Tell him Abby and Jody sent you.

I didn't get my beach day like I really wanted, instead I only got about 2 hours on the beach. I did take my best pictures of the trip there, but didn't swim, or really go exploring at all. Jody and I got in a huge fight about it, and it rather tainted the whole trip. Our flight from Cozumel to Charlotte was delayed for three hours due to mechanical problems, and if we had insisted on flying into Cincinnatti we would have been stuck in Charlotte overnight. Fortunately, we caught a flight to Lousiville and Jody's sister Goldie picked us up that night. Got home at around 1:30 am, completely exhausted, and I still went back to work. Having to drive to Cincinnatti just to pick up my car was totally annoying, though.

All in all, a good trip, aside from the crushing disappointment of my beach day. I'm glad to be home, though, and would you believe it, I'm glad to be back at work.

On Scuba Diving

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 21:27:58 GMT

So, now we´ve been diving for four days. Our first two days were all shore dives in the same place - Paraiso, to finish our certification. Yesterday and today have been our real diving days -- bigger sites, from a boat.

Yesterday was Palancar Breech, followed by a short break to get rid of residual nitrogen in our system, then Tormentos. Palancar Breech was everything Discovery Channel shows you about coral reefs, only better. HUGE coral shelf, with overhands making small canyons you could swim through. On the other side was about 5 feet of sandy bottom, then a sharp drop off to about 3,000 feet. The coral was so rich there, it´s beyond comparison.

Tormentos was a little shallower and calmer, with sandy bottom on both sides. The coral formations weren´t so high, but were spread out more. Towards the end of the dive, we saw a large white breasted sea turtle! It swam slowly away from us, but didn´t seem overly disturbed by our presence.

Today was Santa Rosa, followed by a longer dive to a different part of Paraiso, the place where we did our certification. The current at Santa Rosa was much stronger, and the coral formations were right on the side of the drop off, creating a wall which we hovered about 70 feet down on. We just drifted, letting the strong current carry us and looked up at the schools of fish swimming overhead, and below down the coral wall towards the deep blue depths. There were more overhangs here, so we swam through canyons created by the coral, crossing over from the shallow side of the coral wall to the drop off side. The beauty just can´t be described in words.

Paraiso was much calmer -- there isn´t a coral shelf so much as random outcroppings of coral in the sandy bottom. No drop off here, and we averaged about 40 feet in depth. We saw more swimming life here -- lots of schools, a baby moray eel, and a small fish in a hole in the coral called a black sailfin blenny. About the length of a finger, it hunkered down in a tiny hole in the coral until our dive master dangled a caribiner clip in front of it. Then it would lunge out of the hole towards the shiny object in front of it. It was actually incredibly cute.

We´re going on a night dive tonight, and I´m told that all the aquatic life really comes out at night - octopi, crabs, lobsters, even the occasional shark.

I wish I could find the words to describe how incredible this experience has been, but there is nothing adequate I can say. What I can say is this: DO IT. If you love the water, if you have even the slightest interest in marine life, get certified! It´s worth every penny and more.

I AM A SCUBA DIVER FOR LIFE.

Greetings from Cozumel

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 00:19:13 GMT

Hola!

We´ve now been in Cozumel for two and a half days, and we have finished our certification dives and are now officially scuba divers! We booked two more days of diving through the same dive shop for Monday and Tuesday. We saw a few moray eels, a puffer fish and a scorpion fish, as well as a huge lobster, but the reef where we did the class was somewhat sparse -- small outcroppings of coral instead of a large shelf. Still, the large schools of fish were incredible. We´ll go to different dive sites next time, so hopefully we´ll see some new sights.

We booked an all-day tour to Chichen Itza, the Mayan capital, tomorrow. It´s on the mainland, and from what I have heard, is a must-see.

Our hotel is nice -- big room with a huge shower. The beds are hard, but thats apparently the case with all Mexican hotels. If we had come in May, it´s only $45 a night to stay here.

We´ve definately fallen into the siesta habit -- diving is very tiring, and we come back wanting a huge lunch to replace all the calories we burned. Since you can´t drink the water, and beer is cheaper than soda, we eat a huge lunch, drink a beer each and then want to return to the room to crash immediately afterwards.

Hotel breakfast is awesome - fresh squeezed orange juice, fresh pineapple, papaya and melon, and lots of little small Mexican pastries that are way better than donuts.

We plan to rent a scooter on Monday or Tuesday after we dive and run around the island. We´re on a sort of warf-front, none of the beaches on the island are real, they´re all man-made, and we want to scope out a good one to visit on Wednesday before we leave. We may try to squeeze in a horseback ride through the jungle one afternoon as well.

Cozumel got hit hard by Hurricane Wilma, and though most of the business have been repaired, there are still many places under construction. Often, in the residential part of the city, there will be an occasional block that has a small lot that´s still filled with rubble when all the buildings around it are repaired -- places where the owner hasn´t had the money to rebuild yet.

More news later!

Off we go!

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 23:29:41 GMT

Well, Dear Diary, today I am leaving for Cozumel.

I promise to try to write at least once while I'm gone, and to bring home lots of lovely pictures for you to see. I don't think your interface would tolerate a margerita, but I promise to drink one (or two or three) for you while I'm there.

Take care of yourself, and I'll be back in a week!

Love,

Abby

Blogger's Silent Recitation

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 23:10:36 GMT

For the blogger's silent recitation day. Link here.

Dissolution
by Arthur Reynolds

For 1001 days
James (Not Jimmy, Jimbo, or Jim)
Sat in a 6 x 6 cell, cubicle
And between gouts of numbers,
Columns of entries,
Rows of figures,
Stole glimpses of a
Five-dollar oil painting
Bought at a yard sale,
Until the flicker and hum
Of the yellow fluorescent lighting
(Not the color of daylight through leaves,
But the color of tobacco stained glass)
Made the trees of
The two-dimensional forest
Shimmer and whisper
On invisible breezes.

On the 1001st day
(The day after the thousandth)
James dragged himself
From the mire
Of ledgers,
Sums,
And balances,
To walk to the edge of the painting,

Then he wandered farther in.

At first he moved silently as a ghost
Across the luxuriant carpeting of
Rust-colored pine needles,
Sidling between
Black Spruce
And Moss bedecked Poplars
Down the slope
Towards the floor of the basin,
Passing through waist-deep flame heather
Like wading a sea of balmy lava,
While the fog gathered in wisps and curls
Round his ankles
Hiding his black leather oxfords.

Still he pressed on
Deeper into the gathering gloom
Never looking back,
Always ahead,
Always towards the distant clatter
Of moving water
Reminiscent of temple bells,
Even as the fog consumed his knees
And waist.

Forward he idled,
Passing banks of Lace Ferns,
Each step emptier than the last,
Never expecting to
Emerge again into light.

As the fog thickened and
Swallowed his cheeks,
James became certain that
There was nothing left below the mist,
Nothing that was James,
And nothing that was not.

Date!

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 23:02:33 GMT

So, I broke my rule to not date at all until at least one quarter of the time I was in my last relationship has passed since the breakup. I learned some critical, really important things.

1) Dating is FUN. I had a really good time.

2) I am not going to turn into one of those bitter women. I feel less burdened now, when for the past month I've been absolutely crippled by doubt, crushing heartbreak, and bitter rage. It's good to feel a bit freer of that.

3) There are other fish in the sea. Corny, but true. My mother says this to me every time I have a hard breakup and I hate it, but she's right. Sometimes the fish are puny and you throw them back, sometimes you take them off the hook and say 'hot damn!' Apparently there are more fish in my sea than I thought.

4) My spirituality is important to me, but I kept it fairly private in my last relationship. He wasn't militant pagan, but he's fairly militant anti-monotheistic. It's subtle, but it's there. I'd been feeling that lack in my life for a while. I do believe in a God. It's not the Christian god, per se, but I believe all religions have a thread of truth in them, something someone wise once referred to as Truth with a capital "T." I believe the very nature of a divinity so complex and powerful that he could be called an omniscient consciousness means that no mere mortal, ever, is going to be able to put a label on that existence and call it close to correct. God might even be fused with reality itself, more than a consciousness. That puts me close to Deism, I think. I believe that we're blessed to be alive, that we live on a planet with whispers of the Divine in it, and it's nice to come back to that. I also don't think that it should be necessary to take halucinogens and dance in front of a fire all night to get close to religion.

5) My main complaint with my past relationship, and one that I've only realized after the fact, is that he wasn't nearly my intellectual match. He read a great deal, but his scope of reading was fairly small. His bookshelf covered a very narrow range of topics, and his poor memory made discussing any books that we'd both read absolutely impossible -- my retention for the written word is insanely high, and I LOVE discussion about themes and issues I discover in books. His retention for the written word was almost nil. I want somebody who can read Jacqueline Carey and want to hash it out with me one week, then the next week we could read Titus Andronicus or Catch 22 together and talk about it for hours. I want somebody to take me to Shakespeare in the Park and rip the actor's performances to pieces after we're done, or rave about how good it was for hours over coffee .

6) I had forgotten how important thought-provoking film is to me. I wanted to go into a career in film for a long time, and studying 3D in school imparted an appreciation for the film-making process that is a part of me. Last night's date and I went and saw Pan's Labyrinth together and I had the best time ever. I have no doubt we'll be mulling it over and talking about it again on our next date. My mind needs to be frequently challened, and I get bored with life without being intellectually stimulated.

7) Sex.....especially sex with somebody who's visibly hungry for me every minute we're going at it, is immensely satisfying. Getting some hella nice compliments about my body doesn't hurt either.

8) There are people out there who want monogamy and are compatible with me. And aren't unbalanced. That's good news too.

I'm on the road to recovery, and it feels good. I'm far from over my last relationship - it'll be months before that happens, and as much of a power trip as I've been on, I still hurt like hell. But now I can see some light. Maybe not with this particular date, but there IS somebody out there for me. And it won't be as hard for me to find it as I was afraid it was going to be.

Life, and meme's

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 02:05:30 GMT

Things continue to be rough. I alternate between heart-broken and really fucking angry. I ranted and raved to Teddy on the phone for quite a bit, and he suggested that I write a really nasty email but sit on it for a week to re-evaluate before I sent. While I think that's a great idea, after ranting on the phone, I feel very emotionally drained. I really could use some catharsis, but there's no one I can go to ask for it that I would trust enough in Lexington.

I was buzzing through friend's facebook profiles and stumbled on this test. I think it's fairly accurate.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|	16%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	64%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

One of the things I need to do in the next few months is re-evaluate what I really want out of a relationship. I did the poly thing, and was never happy. One of the things I've discovered about poly is that all the people involved in it have really strong feelings about it, and a fairly rigid definition. And they are each convinced that their particular definition is the 'right one.' I thought the whole point of poly was that you invented your own definitions for how you balanced all your different connections? Maybe I was wrong.

On Polyamory

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 19:54:22 GMT

I promised I'd discuss this when I was a little more rational, because I have alot to say about this issue and I'd like to get it out on the air.

For those who don't really understand the difference: polyamory and swinging are entirely different things. Swingers, in general, seek to form sexual connections to people without any emotional connections. Polyamory seeks to form both sexual and emotional connections with multiple people. The basic gist is that people can be in love with multiple people at once, and for every individual, the way that individual connects with people may be different. For example, poly people don't have to be equally in love with two partners, and having sex with them both. For some, they may have a group of people involved, all interconnected in myriad different ways. They might even be in love with multiple people and not having sex at all with some of them (or any of them!). The point of poly isn't to form a rigid triad, or any other set grouping, but to form a network of emotional and sexual intimacy.

That's all well and good, for those who have the energy to manage such things. The main problem with poly relationships that I've discovered is that very few people have the energy to maintain all their relationships well. One relationship or the other is guaranteed to suffer. The most common poly relationship is a traditional 'couple' who each consider each other the primary, or most important partner, with various occasional secondary partners. The primary is generally the recipient of the most energy and emotional commitment from the partners involved, but the levels of commitment and energy vary.

I don't want to diss polyamory. It obviously works for some people. It doesn't work for me. I just ended the most serious relationship of my life, with the man I honestly wanted to marry, because of polyamory. I committed more energy, tens of times more work, and absolutely more of myself, than I have ever committed in a relationship before. I honestly tried harder than I believed I was capable of trying to make this relationship work, and it didn't. In fact, I ignored my own intuition in the very beginning of the relationship in the hopes of being able to make it work by pure willpower, and I was very wrong to do so. I not only stunted my own personal growth, I feel like I wasted over a year of my life and tons of my energy doing so. I am never willing to be in a poly relationship again.

So, here I am, starting over. If the last year and a bit of my life taught me anything, at least it taught me what I don't want out of a relationship, but that's fairly cold comfort.

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 16:35:41 GMT

So, by now most have realized that I've recently split with Jody, my serious boyfriend of over a year. At this point, I'm going to refrain from griping incoherently, but I'd like to revisit the issues for our breakup at a later date when I can discuss them more logically.

One thing I've learned already is that just when you're feeling down, there ARE people who will help you out. People have been coming out of the woodwork to express feelings of support and offer to take me out. I love you ALL. It's been a big help. The day of the true split, I called up Jody's best friend Nicole, who I'd very much like to make MY best friend, and flat out asked her if I could come over. She immediately opened up her apartment to me, and even took me out to eat hibachi/sushi at our favorite Japanese place. It was a super pick-me up and was really needed. Mutual friend of Jody and Nicole's, Jamie Blackburn, is hosting a party, and made a point of calling and inviting me specifically, without mentioning anything about the breakup. People on on facebook and LJ who haven't seen me in person in months are emailing with messages of support and invitations to go out and have fun. I SUPER appreciate it.

Although it's sucky, it actually happened at a fairly good time, as I'll be super busy with work for the next several months. It will absorb my life while I rebound. I'm currently on my first-ever business trip, although it's only an hour away, and I'm staying at the Seelback Hilton in Louisville for USEF's Annual Board Meeting. I'll be here Wednesday through Sunday. The hotel is very nice, very old-world feel. We get fed and liquored at several company functions, and though we bust our collective asses during the day working, we party really hard at night. I've met legends in the horse world in person now, and they're all super casual and really fun-loving. I have to remember to buy David O'Connor a drink tonight. David-fucking-O'Connor, people!! Olympic gold medalist!!

I have to laugh at myself, though. The night before I left, I was so obsessed with packing all my super-professional business clothes, I packed not a single pair of pajamas. Not a pair of jeans or sweats, not even a simple t-shirt. I'd have been sleeping in the nude if Leigh Ann, who is Director of Competition Dates, and the same level as my direct boss, hadn't loaned me out a tank top. Of course, she is rooming with me, so it did save her from being blinded by my fish belly pale topless self. I didn't even lay out to tan once all summer!

Holiday Meme

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 03:15:06 GMT

Borrowed from Knitting Iris.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? We make homemade egg nog -- family recipe. Has bourbon, brandy and rum in it, and it's so rich and SO good.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Always wrapped. With really fancy ribbons.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colored on the tree, white on the house

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope.

5. When do you put your decorations up? Usually the second week in December.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? All the cookies!

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Leaving cookies and milk out for Santa. And in the morning they were always gone. One time there were even large boot prints made out of soot leading from the fireplace to the cookie tray. These days it makes me laugh to think of Mom making the prints with Dad's boots and then having to scrub them out of the carpet.

8 . When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Not a specific memory -- I think it must not have been too traumatic.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? One only, at Christmas Eve dinner

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? With a mish- mash of ornaments. My brother and I each always got one new 'special' ornament each year for the tree, and we have a collection dating back to the year of our birth.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it. I wish we had a white Christmas every year.

12. Can you ice skate? Yep! I took lessons when I was little. Spins and jumps and everything.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? No, actually I can't remember any one particular gift. I think overall I've always gotten good ones.

14. What's your favorite thing(s) about the holidays? Hmm....holiday parties and homemade egg nog. And staying in your PJs on Christmas morning until the afternoon.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? If I had to pick a favorite cookie, it's probably gingersnaps with chocolate kisses on the top. Sounds strange, but it totally yummy.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Going to see Handel's Messiah

17. What tops your tree? An angel, ever since I can remember.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? I'd say giving, except it's always frustrating for me. I want to get the perfect gift for everyone, but always put it off to the last minute (like the 23rd) and am always stumped for ideas.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? Handel's Messiah, and "O Holy Night"

20. What is your favorite holiday book? I can't remember the title, but it's a Nativity story featuring the donkey Mary rode into Jerusalem -- the donkey dreams a dream, each scene in the dream is a different symbol for Mary and the Christ child. It has the most beautiful illustrations that I can still picture clearly in my mind.

21. Candy canes yuck or yum? I use candy canes to stir the hot chocolate, so that it tates minty. But I don't really like to eat them by themselves.

21. What's number one on your Christmas list this year? Hmmm.....I'm getting lots of ski equipment from Mom and Dad, which will be nice, but not a surprise since I picked it all out for myself. I have utterly no idea what Jody will get me, but I'm looking forward to it. Although since he and I both confessed a few days ago to still not having a present for each other, we're exchanging gifts on New Year's by mutual agreement. Which is great for me since I still need to order his second gift. ;)

Vacationing

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 17:00:38 GMT

I am, at the moment, using up my remaining paid days off work before December 31st so that I don't loose them. Before this week, the longest break I have had since February was Thanksgiving (4 days). So, I'm enjoying taking 6 paid days off -- I don't have to be back til Tuesday. Yay!

I briefly stopped in at Teddy's on Sunday night, after the company Christmas party on Saturday. Got to get all dressed up and did a fair amount of swing dancing with Jody. I enjoyed myself and got to show off, it was fun.

Monday through yesterday was visiting Shorey in Hinesville. I made a side trip to Savannah and walked around - the city has changed alot. Lots of new construction, especially downtown. We went to the Crab Shack, which was also good. His house, though........phew. I honestly did not know real humans could tolerate such living conditions. I spent the first day cleaning it myself, it was so bad. Things existed in piles on the floor. I bought laundry detergent and did at least 8 loads of laundry, and that was only towels, sheets, and civilian clothes -- military clothes would double that number. I had to go fishing in the piles of mess to find dirty dishes just so I could wash dishes. Yikes.

Now I'm hanging out in Emory's Yerkes research lab with my friend Noah while he does some lab work. Noah and I know each other from Vassar, but I haven't seen him since 2001. He worked at the National Institute of Health for a while, and now he's doing his graduate work and PhD in Immunology here at Emory. Which makes it convenient since Emory is in Atlanta and I know at least 6 people here I come to visit when I can. He just makes an extra stop on the road. Saturday night and Sunday I'll be hanging with Teddy again before I hit the road on Monday.

I return!

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 22:26:16 GMT

Wow, LiveJournal, long time no write.

In all honesty, I haven't really felt the blogging mindset at all until recently. Alot has changed in the last year, and for the better. I got kicked out of the house I was living in, had to move in with the parents, and now have my own apartment all by myself.

I love solitary living -- I live in an old, 1950s era 4-up that was purchased by my landlord at auction this summer and completely renovated. Everything inside is new, but retains that charm of not living in a modern, cookie-cutter building. 2 bedrooms, HUGE living room, kitchen and one bath all for me.

I'm working for the U.S. Equestrian Federation. For those who aren't horse people, we're like the NCAA of horse sport, except we control everything involving horse sports from the baby level all the way up to the Olympics, (except for Thoroughbred racing). It's been a major step up job-wise for me and I really like it there.

I'm dating a fabulous man. We met via OkCupid and have been together a year. Rock. :-)

I'm still working on the Celtic Heart Foundation project. The concert is March 3rd.

I'm considering getting an MBA in marketing or nonprofit. UCal Berkley, Northwestern and Stanford are my top choices.

I'm knitting more than sewing these days. Maybe I should convert the defunct dress diary blog into a all around crafty blog and join the knit blog trend.

So, that's me in a nutshell for the last almost-year. Work keeps me busy, and being financially independent is actually very empowering. Go me.

Hehehe

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 04:18:35 GMT

Josh-kun ganked a quote from my AIM profile to post in his journal! I'm so flattered. The amusing thing is that I ganked it from somebody else's AIM profile and I can't remember who!

Also, this is cool. I'm totally Starbuck reincarnated. With less angst. And less blonde.

You scored as Galactica (from Battlestar: Galactica). You are leery of your surroundings, and with good reason. Anyone could be a cylon. But you have close friends and you know they would never hurt you. Now if only the damn XO would stop drinking.

Coming on December 1, 2005:

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? The Sequel

</td>

Galactica (from Battlestar: Galactica)

81%

Nebuchadnezzar (from The Matrix)

81%

Serenity (from Firefly)

75%

SG-1 (from Stargate)

75%

Moya (from Farscape)

63%

Enterprise D (from Star Trek)

56%

Millennium Falcon (from Star Wars)

50%

Bebop (from Cowboy Bebop)

50%

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? v1.0
created with QuizFarm.com

Cleaning and guests....

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 21:48:47 GMT

This has been a stressful, busy week. I had some major brake work done on my car, and I finally have it back after two weeks without driving on it. Didn't take that long to repair it, but I waited around for my roommate John to try and make space in his schedule to look at it for me. He didn't. So I finally got fed up and took it to the shop myself. Erg. My wallet hurts.

There's alot of stress between Andrea and I concerning money issues, and these were only compounded by the car issue. I think I need to be looking for a new place to stay soon, and frankly its more than past time. But still, it sucks to be forced into it.

Shorey is coming to visit tonight, should be getting here in about an hour and a half. He's only going to be staying about 18 hrs, due to a 'promise' he made to friends in VA to visit them. He may really have made that promise, I don't know. However, considering how I was the onlyone to regularly communicate with him while he was actually over in Iraq, and that I asked him to visit me on leave before he had even returned from overseas, I tend to feel his promise to visit me predates his promise to them. Perhaps I can attribute the shortness of his visit to reluctance on his part to visit me, as I know that it will be awkward and there are some major issues we need to discuss, however I definately feel slighted that he's avoiding me for basically a chance to get busted-ass drunk with whatever friends are in Virginia. This has also added some stress.

And upnote of Shorey's visit: I cleaned my room! No, really, I DID! My drafting table is organized and neat for the first time in months, my desk is the same, everything is cleared off the floor, and I VACUUMED and DUSTED. Amazing. I do feel better having done that. Sad, that only a visit of this importance can make me do more than simply picking up after myself.

I'm sitting here, waiting for the man I used to think was the love of my life to arrive, and I'm thinking about how all this stress makes me want to go see Jody, and I won't get a chance to do that until this Sunday. I suppose this is a good sign for that relationship, at least. :)

Updates

Wed, 11 Jan 2006 02:46:09 GMT

Well, I've left this too long without an update, so I should really get off my arse and get moving.

My Christmas was actually kind of sucky, but not because of any family drama or upsets over presents or whatnot. I was sick. REALLY sick. I went to the ER on Christmas Eve for four hours to get two IVs of saline solution and a shot of phenergan for nausea supression just so I could walk without fainting from dehydration and actually drink something that would stay down. Christmas Day itself was ok. It was actually nice to have my parents around to bring me chicken broth and jello, which were about the only two things besides ginger ale my stomach felt capable of until very late that night. We opened presents in the morning with the parents and the brother, which was good. I was unfortunately banned from the Christmas dinner because of fear of contagion (not that I could have eaten anything anyway) and stayed over at the guest house. It was rather lonely, though I definately didn't want to pass my icky germs onto anyone outside my parents who were already exposed to me.

I was much better by New Years, fortunately. I went to a party with Martin, which was semi-dressy, drank a martini and some champage, wore a halter top and gauntlets that I made, and generally had a really good time. I discovered the champagne giddy effect really does happen. I had none of the other signs of true tipsyness, but as the evening wore on I definately got giggly. Also kissed a girl (Tara) for the first time in my life. It's actually a semi-long story, and not really what I intended from the comment I made, but whatever. It wasn't bad. :)

Work continues apace for the benefit concert. I'm a day behind the deadline I set myself for having a rough draft of the logo together, but I'm not super worried. It's funny, but my training is showing through. It's much easier for me to think in terms of animating the logo for a commercial than it is to think in terms of a static logo for integration into a website/letterhead/business cards, etc.

In personal notes, things are going well. I've done a little self-evaluation and am satisfied with it. Otherwise, FFX is sucking my soul. ::fangirl squeal:: Aurooonnn!!

News and sleepyness

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 03:18:40 GMT

Wow, last night's bout with stress-related insomnia just hit me like a brick. 10 pm, drinking my third cup of (caffeinated) tea and I'm about to pass out.

Thanksgiving went alright, aside from a burn scare that turned out to be not nearly as bad as we thought it would be. Mick's visit went as well as can be expected, short but good. My room's way too small for two people, though.

The past week and a half has been filled with stress for me, for reasons I won't enumerate here. On a good note, I think the hump is over. I'm just really tired.

I actually picked up my pencil and did some worthwhile drawing for the first time in months. It's seriously helped my mood.

Work continues apace for the benefit concert, and I'm getting behind. I really should be writing up legal incorporation documents about now, but my brain is friend, and I don' wanna.

Holiday plans

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 18:05:47 GMT

So, here I am cleaning my room franticly, as it's 1 pm and my friend Mick's plane gets in for his Thanksgiving visit at 5. So, here I am thinking that maybe I should double-check his flight time so that I'm not late to pick him up.

Oops! His flight gets in at 9:45 this evening!

Guess that means I don't have to rush so much on the cleaning the room thing. ::sheepish::

Plans for the holidays include having lots and lots of people over to the parents' house, hanging with Mick and possibly making a side trip up to Indiana, and eating lots and lots of food. Possibly some knitting too, as the felted bag seems to go on and on and on with no end, and I've got a week and two days to have it finished.

Went out to Lynaugh's on Saturday night with Chad, his friend Matt Tatman, and girlfriend Lily. Lily's super nice, Tatman is hilariously funny. The evening was very mellow, we just hung out and was fun. Or would have been if I decided to wear a cute pair of shoes I hardly ever wear, drove my car to Tatman's to meet everyone and drive us to Lynaugh's, and then we all decided to walk.

"Oh, it's only a little over a half mile. Not that far; won't take that long," they say.

Suuuurreeee.

Tell that to all FOUR of my blisters!

Anyway, saw the new Harry Potter movie with Martin on Sunday, and we went out to the Outback beforehand. Yummy food, and good movie. Overall I really enjoyed it. Very dense, but then ALOT happens in the book that had to be shrunk down to movie length. I don't think they left out anything really important, though a bit more explanation for non-book-readers might have been helpful.

Priori Incantatem anyone? I wish you luck in figuring out what the hell it is without reading GoF for yourself.

I read the books in the gap between the PoA movie and this one, so it's the first movie I've seen and actually had the book in my mind to compare to. In all honesty, I really only got started reading the books because of the big debate over major changes to a certain scene in the Shrieking Shack in PoA. Still haven't read Half Blood Prince, though inevitably I've already had some spoilers. For those who don't want any, SHHH!!!

Parties and social life...

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 20:25:56 GMT

Meaning, I actually have one now!

This weekend was a busy one, and I've been remiss about not typing up an update before now, but well, I'm lazy.

On Saturday I went to two parties. First was Edna's pizza cookout up on the hill behind her parents' house. Honestly the group was mostly her parents' aquaintances, but it was really good to see Edna again -- it's probably been at least four years. She spent almost all of her college career in Germany, and finally returned to the States. (She's first generation, and bilingual.)

Second was Jason's birthday party. He's a friend of Martin's, and the pair of us dressed up as Goth's and went as a pair. To my understanding, Jason's parties are usually themed around something, but this year's theme was only 'dress provacatively, in something you wouldn't normally wear.' Martin and I were definately the most in costume, but hey I enjoy that.

Check out these two hotties!

I was very impressed with Martin's group of friends. They're a very wild and crazy group, but I didn't feel at all like an outsider; on the contrary its the most welcomed I've felt at a party full of people I don't know, well, ever. Rounds of flip-cup were played, DDR was dragged out (damn, I forgot how much fun that is!) but the highlight of the evening was the birthday boy going down on one knee and proposing to his girlfriend of many years, Tara. When he was getting ready to blow out the candles on his cake, he paused to remark that several years ago he wished on his candles that Tara would love him, and now that she did he had another wish to make. Then he promptly whipped out a ring box, went down on one knee and asked her to marry him. Before she could give her answer, though, he paused to make his wish and blow out the candles. Of course she said yes. It was very touching and cute, and the mood of the party definately elevated to full-out celebration after that.

Sunday was Sue's tea-party for fellow Hancock's people, and I went. Small gathering, but good tea and sweets, and we split the roses Sue had used to decorate with between us, as Sue's mildly allergic to them. So I have six pretty peach roses sitting in a drinking glass on my desk now.

Went out to eat Korean last night, which was suprisingly good. I had a seafood and noodles dish that the menu said was in a 'dark' sauce.....what I didn't know was that the sauce would be almost black it was so dark! Less adventurous people than me would likely find it very disconcerting. I think I impressed the proprietress: everyone sitting in the restaurant when we walked in was Asian, and she commented after watching me actually eat and enjoy my dish, that if I could eat that I'd be okay with anything on the menu. I'll have to go back.

Today I'm going out shopping with Mom, and then we have our joint knitting class at the Stitch Niche. Should be a nice mother-daughter time, especially since she payed for the class! Later tonight Pale, Stout and Amber's playing at Mulligan's, and I may see if I can go.

Oh, and for those who follow the series: Bleach 58 RULES!

Busy as a Bee!

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 03:56:14 GMT

I think my life is about to get seriously busy, but I'm seriously excited about it!

Here's the deal: I'm part of the volunteer committee organizing a benefit concert in April. We're tentatively titled "Pride of Ireland" but that will be changing, and we're holding a concert consisting of all three local Irish dance schools, along with two firmly committed local Irish bands so far, in April, of which the proceeds will go to benefit Hurricane Katrina victims, or whatever other charity we decide on.

Firstly, in the next week we'll be deciding on a more fitting name than "Pride of Ireland," as we decided we needed something more reflective of our status as a charity and our objective of helping others. Once we do that, with the help of my beloved Dad, the corporate lawyer, we'll be incorporating ourselves with the Secretary of State as a 501(c)(3) non-for-profit corporation, and filing for tax exemption with the IRS.

After the initial business work is done, I'll be a major part of the Publications Committee, in terms of advertising and graphics work. It's likely all the graphics work in terms of working up a website, a logo and corporate ID 'look' and actual posters for the event will be done by me. I'll also be contacting local newspaper, and radio groups about running ads for us. Closer to the date of the concert, I'll be contacting local stores and posting up posters and such.

Secondly to that, I'm a minor member of the Silent Auction committee. We'll be holding a silent auction before and during intermission of the actual concert to help raise additional funds. Since I know several friends of the family who are artisans, I'll be making a few phone calls and see about getting their donations. Hopefully this part will just involve my making some phone calls and nothing more. I may make a few things to add to the auction, but that's it.

By Sunday, we'll have taken all the suggestions for a new name, and we'll vote until Wednesday the 16th. We need something directly reflecting both our Irish influence, and our charitable intentions. The goal of this is two-fold: one, to raise money for a good cause, and two, to also raise public awareness of Lexington's Irish community. Even if we raise only a small amount of money, it will help make the local community more aware of the Irish arts presence in the city, and that's a good thing.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Please, leave a comment in the LJ!

Party updates

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 05:09:13 GMT

Well, I survived, and actually had a pretty good time despite being sick. I'm feeling totally exhausted now, so I'm basically going to rehash the major costume highlights and then pass out. These pictures are links people, so click on them if you want to see them.

Lord Vader appeared, finally finished, and was a big hit. Lord Vader cometh!

O-ren struck the occasional pose, but mostly sat down and relaxed.

Props must go, however, to Lisa's friend Trubey, who was definately the bravest costumer of the bunch.

Oh, and if you were curious about what goes under the kimono: another kimono. You can see the sizeable pile of kimono, obi and obi-tying necessaries on the piano bench beside me. This was at the end of the evening, and I look almost as tired as I feel now.